Blockage
by SmurfLuvsCookies
Summary: Apparently the entire guild was determined to make sure that he didn't get laid. And they were doing a very good job at it.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note:** More procrastination! Huzzah! Procrastination on my other stories, on homework, on chores, on getting out of bed. This is the love child of my procrastination and my fangirldom. I hope you're happy._

_I don't own Fairy Tail, yadda yadda. Hiro Mashima does._

* * *

**Chapter One**

After dinner, they usually went back to Bixlow's place.

He and Fried roomed together in a small house on the outskirts of Magnolia, about a mile away from the guild and two miles from the Strauss siblings' home. It was a modest house, a two-bedroom, one-bath bachelor pad with an open entertainment room and a tiny cluttered kitchen. The only decor was miscellaneous paraphernalia from the house's inhabitants: elegant rapiers and blades hung on the wall, spare tiki dolls were piled in the corners, books written in ancient runes balanced haphazardly beside the couches, and visors in various states of disrepair gleamed from the tabletops, souvenirs of what Bixlow dubbed, "exceptional experiences."

Although the third member of the Rajinshuu owned her own apartment in Fairy Hills, Evergreen's presence was clear in subtle ways, like the ornate floral fan on the table or the forgotten green slippers next to the door. There was also a soft white blanket and mint green pillow folded neatly beside the rune books, for the many occasions that she slept on the couch after an extensive mission and was too tired to walk all the way to Fairy Hills.

Bixlow unlocked the door to the tiny cottage and swung it open in a grand gesture, giving Lisanna an exaggerated, formal bow. "After you, m'lady."

"Thank you, kind sir," Lisanna replied, dipping into a curtsey. She swept into the house with the swagger of a queen, pinching the hem of her short dress stiffly between her thumb and forefinger in a royal fashion. It uncovered a lot of gorgeous, creamy leg. Bixlow grinned after her wolfishly and followed her inside, closing the door behind him.

Peppe, Poppo, Pappa, Puppu, and Pippi were resting in a neat stack on the table next to Evergreen's fan. They usually didn't come on dates with Bixlow. He discovered that most women found them annoying after a while, although Lisanna didn't seem to mind them at all. It probably had to do with the fact that his babies actually liked her and respected her, unlike most of Bixlow's past hook-ups.

"Is Fried not home?" Lisanna inquired. Sometimes the rune mage could be found reading a book on the couch, or polishing his rapiers, in which case Lisanna and Bixlow had to migrate upstairs for some privacy.

"Nah, he decided to take a solo mission across town. Promised he wouldn't be back 'til tomorrow mornin'," Bixlow replied.

Lisanna raised her eyebrows. "Promised?"

"Mhmm," Bixlow confirmed, grinning. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck. "Got the whole place to ourselves."

Lisanna squeaked when the cold metal of Bixlow's visor pressed against her throat. She wrapped her arms around his neck and unclasped it, tossing it on the couch behind her so it wouldn't get in the way. Bixlow smiled against the sensitive skin of her neck. He made his way up until he reached her mouth, where he wasted no time with pleasantries. He nipped Lisanna's bottom lip and made a noise in the back of his throat when she tilted her head back in response, deepening the kiss and allowing his tongue to do some exploring.

Lisanna started walking backward, guiding him by his shirt. They fell on the couch next to the visor. Bixlow blindly pushed it to the floor and stretched across the cushions, carefully keeping the majority of his weight off of Lisanna. He was a big guy composed mostly of muscle; compared to him, Lisanna was itty-bitty. He didn't want to crush her or something.

It seemed as though she had something entirely different in mind. Smiling against his lips, Lisanna grabbed the collar of his shirt and upset his balance, pulling him completely down on top of her. She laughed at his bewildered expression, a mischievous, sultry sound that was ridiculously sexy.

"I'm not made of china, Bixlow," she murmured against his skin, gripping tuffs of his blue hair in her fingers as though to emphasize her point. Bixlow felt a shiver go down his spine when she said his name with that voice, that deliciously husky voice filled with amusement and longing. He smirked. Well, he couldn't let her have all the fun, could he?

"Duly noted," he said. He tipped her chin back and kissed her with more urgency, pressing the full weight of his body against hers. Lisanna made another pleased purr in the back of her throat and wrapped her arms around his neck to give her some leverage. She arched herself up and maneuvered her leg around his waist. Bixlow brushed his fingers along the smooth skin of her thigh, slowly pushing the flimsy fabric of her dress away until he found the elastic strap of her underwear.

Oh, god. It was lacy.

"Come on, you two! I _sleep _on that couch!"

Lisanna opened her eyes and jerked away from Bixlow with a shout of surprise. Bixlow didn't even have to move to know that Evergreen stood at the threshold of his house, probably managing to look disgusted and smug at the same time. He pulled himself up and turned around to glare at her while Lisanna quickly covered herself up again.

"What do you _want_, Evergreen? I'm kinda busy."

"I can see that," Evergreen snorted. Lisanna blushed, mortified, while Bixlow just continued to scowl in his teammate's direction. He narrowed his eyes when she stepped out of the doorway and into the den.

"Still didn't answer my question."

"I'm looking for Fried. Is he here?"

"No," Bixlow grumbled. Damn, even when he was gone Fried was still a pain in his horny ass. "He took a job at the library. He won't be back 'til tomorrow."

Evergreen raised an eyebrow. "A job at the library is going to take all night?"

"It is if I say so," Bixlow growled. "Now scram, Fried ain't here."

"And leave you unsupervised so you can prey on this poor child? I don't think so. Besides, like I said, I sleep on that couch. I don't want your fluids all over it."

"_Evergreen_," Bixlow said dangerously. "Get the fuck out."

The woman blinked and held her hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine, I will. But I do ask that if you continue this fornication, you do it upstairs in your own bed." With that she turned on her heel and made her exit, tossing a humored smirk at Bixlow's direction on her way out.

"Sorry 'bout that," he told Lisanna. "We're still teaching her manners, which includes knockin' on doors before she enters."

"S'okay," Lisanna giggled, her face pink. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe that she just walked in on us. I'm so embarrassed."

Bixlow shrugged. "Why? S'not like we're doin' anything wrong. We're two grown-ass adults spending an evening together, and the activities happen to involve makin' out on the couch."

"No, I guess not," Lisanna sighed. She suddenly gasped. "Oh no, Bixlow! You don't think she'll tell Elf-nii, do you? He's still in that protective older brother stage. If he hears about this, he'll never let me out of his sight again!"

"Nah, don't worry 'bout it," Bixlow dismissed. "Believe it or not, Evergreen can be cool about stuff when she wants to be. She won't tell anyone 'til she talks to me first. 'Cept maybe Fried, but you ain't gotta worry about him blabbing either. Gossip is against his moral values."

"He's dating Mira," Lisanna pointed out.

"Hey, he won't spread gossip, but that don't mean he doesn't like listening to it," Bixlow said. Lisanna still looked unconvinced, so he smirked and gently traced the nape of her neck with his fingers until she looked up at him. "I'll talk to her later, 'kay? Don't sweat it, babe."

Lisanna's face morphed into a reassured smile. "Okay. Thanks."

There was an awkward moment of silence. Bixlow mentally called Evergreen every foul name in the book, because there was no way that Lisanna was going to want to continue on the couch after their interruption, and he wasn't entirely sure how to guide her into the bedroom. His window of opportunity was closing. The organ in his pants gave a dismayed throb.

Custom dictated that he give her a smooch on the cheek and a beverage, both of which she accepted. Bixlow made his way kitchen with a sour expression. Looked like he wasn't getting lucky today.

When he came back with two tall glasses of iced lemonade, befitting the warm summer evening, Lisanna was examining a dented visor on the mantle. She thanked him when he handed her the lemonade and continued to inspect it as she took a precarious sip. "Bixlow," she finally said. "How on Earthland did you manage to do that to your poor visor?"

Bixlow crunched the ice in his teeth before he answered. "I was battling an ogre with a giant club. What do you expect?"

"How did it turn into that weird green color?"

"It was an enchanted club. As it turned out, I wasn't fighting an ogre at all, but a man who turned into an ogre when he picked up the club. Felt really bad about whooping his ass 'til I got the hospital bill. Damn ingrate."

"Makes sense," Lisanna said, taking another drink of lemonade. "This is really good. D'you make it?"

"Yup. Secret recipe."

Lisanna quirked an eyebrow. "How secret?"

Bixlow gave her his trademark grin. Perhaps the window of opportunity wasn't closing as rapidly as he thought. "Pretty secret. Why, you interested in my recipe?"

"Maybe," Lisanna said, placing the lemonade on the mantle. "What would it take for you to give it to me?"

"Persuade me," Bixlow murmured as Lisanna stepped closer, "and I might just let you have it for free."

Lisanna smirked and reached up on her toes to kiss him. She tasted like lemonade and her lips were cold from the ice. Bixlow smiled and quickly licked her ear. She squeaked and swatted at him, grinning. "Bixlow! Your tongue is cold!"

"Warm it up?"

"I'm not sure I want to anymore," Lisanna sniffed, feigning discontent.

"I'll give you my lemonade recipe..." tempted Bixlow.

Lisanna pretended to consider. "It was pretty good lemonade."

Without warning, Bixlow grabbed her wrist and kissed her fiercely, eagerly, without any more gentle affection. Lisanna responded in kind after a brief moment of shock, throwing her arms around his neck and clawing at the thin fabric of his shirt. He released her and pulled it off in about half a second flat, barely getting it over his head before pressing their mouths together again. Lisanna finished the job for him, tugging it from his arms and dropping it at their feet. She dragged her fingers along the huge round muscles of his arms as they circled her again and drove her back into the wall. A noise of surprise, pleasure, and a little bit of pain as her back slammed against the wall escaped from Lisanna's mouth. The metal knickknacks on the mantle clinked with the force of the impact, and the lemonade that Bixlow had hastily placed up there wobbled and shattered on the ground.

"Bixlow," Lisanna gasped.

"I'll get it later," Bixlow said. He was not about to stop what was happening here to clean up some freaking lemonade. Lisanna didn't seem to mind his decision over much. Her fingers trailed down his spine, around the length of his back, and traced the pattern of his abs, fingernails lightly scraping the naked skin. They stopped at his waistband, where they did something that made Bixlow freeze in his tracks.

Quite deliberately, Lisanna's beautiful pale fingers undid the button of his pants.

At first she thought she'd done something wrong, since Bixlow became still as stone. Before she could even ask, though, he had swept her up in his arms and was carrying her to the bedroom. Screw subtlety. If he had to wait any longer he might just go crazy.

Lisanna laughed and resumed kissing him. Bixlow put her down in front of the door and didn't bother to break their kiss as his hands frantically fumbled for the knob. The door swung open and the two of them tumbled into his bedroom, tripping over each other's feet as they meandered their way to the bed in the corner.

Lisanna fell on to the mass of blankets bundled in the center. She felt something move under her and craned her head to peek at it as Bixlow's tongue trailed down her neck.

Suddenly, a human hand erupted from under the blankets.

Lisanna screamed and beat the hand away, scrambling from the bed at the same time. Bixlow leapt off of her and pulled her off of the bed when he saw the body part that didn't belong. The person in the blankets cried out as well, clawing his way out in alarm.

Bixlow squinted at the person in his bed, holding Lisanna as she recovered herself. He didn't quite know what to make of it. The person stared back, his sleepy blue eyes disoriented, his shock of yellow hair sticking up in all directions.

Finally, Bixlow spoke.

"Laxus," he huffed, "what the _hell _are you doing?"

"Sleeping," Laxus answered in the midst of a large yawn.

"...In my bed?"

"Yes."

"..._Why_?"

"Because Fried told me I could stay here while my place is being fumigated," said Laxus. "He said I could use your room and that you would crash on the couch."

"Wha...when did he say this? And why the fuck didn't I hear about it?"

Laxus shrugged. "Told me a couple of days ago when I was complaining about bunking with the old man. I just got back from a mission and needed to get some shut-eye." Laxus stopped talking and peered at Lisanna curiously. When he took in their crumpled clothing and, in Bixlow's case, lack of clothing, he grinned. "But enough about me and my boring story. I think the better question here is, what are _you _doing?"

"I was just leaving," Lisanna interjected, straightening the skirt of her dress self-consciously. She turned to Bixlow, who looked shocked and a bit heartbroken at her words. "Thanks for a lovely evening, but I think it's time for me to go home."

With that she turned and walked out of the room. Bixlow stared after her, agape. Then he pulled at his hair and let out a tremendous groan of frustration, slamming his head against the wall.

"That bites, man," Laxus said. "Sorry about that. Hey, maybe you still got a chance. Go put on a shirt and walk her home."

Bixlow swept his gaze to the man in his bed, irritated. "Just shut up," he sighed, but he took Laxus's advice and went to retrieve his discarded clothing from downstairs anyway, buttoning his pants as he did so.

Lisanna had all of her things packed up and was smoothing her hair down in a mirror when he joined her in the den. Bixlow stood behind her and leaned against the arm of the couch, watching her carefully expressionless reflection in the glass.

"You don't gotta leave, you know," he said. "I mean, I rented a movie and stuff..."

"I probably should," said Lisanna, turning around to face him. She smiled. "As much as I want to stay, I should probably go."

Bixlow shrugged and pulled on his shirt and his visor. "I'll walk you home then. Startin' to get pretty dark out there."

"Okay, thanks," Lisanna said, amused. They both knew she could handle herself in the dark, but she wasn't going to deny the company.

"Hey, Lisanna..." Bixlow began as they walked the stretch of cobblestone streets to the Strauss siblings' house. "I'm, uh, sorry about...them."

"You don't have to apologize for them," Lisanna chuckled. "They didn't do anything wrong. Sure, I'm kind of embarrassed, but mostly I think that if I've been cockblocked twice in a row I should probably call it a night."

Bixlow tipped back his head and let out a giant, booming laugh. "Yeah, the Rajinshuu are definitely masters at cockblocking. Got it down to a science, damn bastards."

There was a lengthy pause, and then Lisanna burst into a random bout of giggles. Bixlow raised his eyebrows at her, curious and concerned, until he realized that she wouldn't be able to tell. "What're you laughin' at?"

"Laxus," Lisanna wheezed. "I can't...believe...Laxus was in your bed."

"I know! Goddamn Fried, I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with him. Pimpin' out my room without my permission!"

"Did you...see his face? He was so...surprised! And...he screamed!"

Bixlow grinned, tongue lolling out of his mouth. "So did you, hot-shot!"

"B-but...he's Laxus!"

"True," Bixlow admitted. They laughed at Laxus's expense all the way to Lisanna's house, a medium-sized abode with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a dining room, and a living area. As they walked up the gravel driveway, Lisanna frowned.

"Huh. Looks like nobody's home. Wonder where they could have went."

Bixlow froze in the middle of the driveway, watching Lisanna walk on in that tantalizing short dress of hers. He looked up at the sky, the glory of the full white moon, and glared. "You've _got_ to stop doing this to me."

"Did you say something, Bixlow?"

"Nuh-uh. You must be hearin' voices." He grinned at her and followed her to her door. She didn't open it yet. Instead she turned to him and smiled. Bixlow forced himself to smile back, disappointed once again. If she was stopping here, she obviously expected a goodnight kiss. Which meant that she didn't have plans to invite him inside.

"I'll see you later," Lisanna said, blinking up at him with those big baby blues of hers. She stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Her lips were impossibly soft and warm. When she pulled away, Lisanna noticed his pout and smiled. "Don't forget, you owe me a lemonade recipe."

"I don't think you've earned it," Bixlow remarked crossly.

"You sure do drive a hard bargain," said Lisanna, amusement coloring her words.

Bixlow couldn't help himself. "That's not the only thing I drive hard."

Lisanna snorted and unlocked her door. She poked her head in. "Mira! Elf-nii! Are you home?" When she got no response, she shrugged and turned back to Bixlow. "I guess they're not home like I thought. Want to come in?"

_Yes_, Bixlow thought. _Yes, yes, yes, I want to come in more than anything else in the world right now_. But he had a feeling that the question was an innocent one, so he swallowed down all the yeses and said, "No, I should get back."

"Are you sure?" Lisanna purred, smiling promiscuously. "Don't we have some negotiations to discuss?"

Bixlow narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What happened to, 'once I get cockblocked twice in a row, I'm calling it a night'?"

"Third time's the charm," Lisanna said. She looked around. "Besides, it's not like there's anyone here to do the blocking."

Bixlow grinned so wide his face hurt. "Have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you are?"

"Come over here and tell me."

Bixlow strode across the porch in two giant steps and swept Lisanna into his arms, letting her yank him inside her house and shut the door. Their hormones were already frazzled from the earlier events of the night, so it didn't take long for them to get in a clothes-ripping frenzy. Bixlow pressed her against the wall and hoisted her up, pushing the annoying fabric of her dress out of his way. Lisanna wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing their bodies closer together. She gasped when his hands crawled under her dress and up her stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and probed with his tongue, smirking when he felt Lisanna's body go liquid.

"My room," she breathed. Bixlow made a sound of affirmation and journeyed to Lisanna's room, which he was pretty sure was the second door on the right. The door was open already. Bixlow nudged it aside and brought Lisanna over to the bed, dumping her on the orange and blue striped blanket.

"You want me to check for monsters?" he inquired, crawling into the bed like a predator, Lisanna caught under him. She smirked and brushed her fingers along his shirt.

"No, there's only one strange man in my bed tonight." Suddenly she gripped his shirt and pulled him next to her, climbing on top of him and straddling his waist in one fluid movement. Bixlow blinked in astonishment and grinned, flashing his guild tattoo. Lisanna pulled off his visor and tossed it on the floor, then did the same with his shirt with sensuous slowness. She leaned down and brushed her lips along his jaw line, smiling to herself when the flutter of his pulse reverberated under her touch.

"You know, you keep stripping me," he pointed out. His voice came out a few octaves higher than it usually did. _That _was certainly attractive. "I think it's only fair that I return the favor."

Lisanna's smile grew smirkier. Her lips trailed up Bixlow's jaw to his ear, where her tongue peeked out and teased his earlobe. "You can try," she challenged, nipping the skin.

Bixlow let out a carnal laugh and used his weight to roll over on top of her. Lisanna pushed back, but Bixlow grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed with one hand. The blue fabric of the dress slid away from her legs of its own accord and fanned out over the bed, revealing irresistable hips and lacy black underwear. Bixlow tugged at it with his other hand, raising an eyebrow. "Black, huh?"

"I showed you mine," Lisanna said. "Now you show me yours."

"I don't think so, babe. You gotta earn it."

Bixlow released her hands as he bent down to kiss her again, relishing the moan he extracted as a result. Lisanna raked her nails down his back, sending shivers down Bixlow's spine. She unbuttoned his pants again; Bixlow didn't put up a fight.

"Mm, looks like I'm not the only one wearing black tonight," Lisanna purred between kisses. "Tell me, Bixlow: boxers or briefs?"

"Why don't you reach your pretty little hand down there and find out for yourself?"

Lisanna tugged at his pants and chuckled. "And I had you pegged for a briefs kind of guy."

"Disappointed? You can take 'em off if you want."

"I don't know, boxers with penguins on them are pretty hot."

"They're all the rage." Bixlow found the zipper on the back of her dress and smirked. "Oh? What does this do?"

"Why don't you pull on it and find out for yourself?"

The dress was off in a record-breaking five seconds, and landed top of the visor on the floor. Lisanna's bra matched her panties, lacy and dark against the creamy pallor of her skin. Her flesh was warm and soft under Bixlow's touch, and she moved beneath him with delicate feminine grace. Her fingers brushed against the sensitive area above the elastic of his boxers, and then hesitantly fingered the hem. If that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what else -

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU _DOING_?"

Bixlow and Lisanna jerked violently apart, turning their heads toward the two forms in the threshold of Lisanna's room. One was Elfman, looking absolutely livid. The other was Mirajane, whose eyes were the size of saucers and whose dainty hands were covering her mouth.

Elfman spoke again, storming across the room in great thunderous strides. His appearance was shuddering, slowly evolving into a bestial form. "BASTARD! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SISTER!"

Bixlow struggled to untangle himself from Lisanna as Elfman grew nearer. He barely managed to pull his pants up when the white-haired man grabbed him by the throat and hoisted him into the air, his eyes glowing with rage. "HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LISANNA?!"

"Elf-nii!" Lisanna yelled. "Stop it! Put Bixlow down right now!"

Elfman blinked, his gaze flicking to Lisanna as Bixlow's face steadily became purple. "But...Lisanna...you were...he was..."

"Elf-nii," Lisanna repeated, this time with quiet tenderness. "I am eighteen, and Bixlow is my boyfriend. I've dated him for several months now, and we really, really like each other. This is what people do when they're dating and they like each other as much as we do. Now, will you please put him down before he suffocates."

"But, Lisanna," Elfman sniffed. "You're my baby sister."

"And I'll always be your baby sister," Lisanna said. "That's never going to change, no matter who I date."

"Elfman, put Bixlow down," Mirajane ordered.

Finally, Elfman huffed and dropped Bixlow, who took a dramatic breath and hacked and coughed. Elfman narrowed his eyes and pointed one meaty finger at him. "You...you better be a real man, you hear me, Rajinshuu?"

"I am," Bixlow gasped. "I promise...I didn't mean any harm."

Elfman nodded and marched out of the room, fighting tears the whole time. They could hear him sobbing in the other room. Mirajane sighed and turned her knowing blue eyes to the couple, who were scrambling to retrieve their clothing.

Bixlow whistled awkwardly as he slipped on his shirt and placed the visor back over his head. "I should, uh...I should probably get back."

"That would be a good idea," Lisanna agreed. "I'll, um, see you tomorrow."

"Definitely," Bixlow said. He gave her a quick peck on forehead and tried to leave, but Mirajane refused to step out of his path. Her blue eyes bore into him with uncanny intensity, scarier than any shouting a giant beast-man.

"Look here, Bixlow," she said. "I like you, and I completely support my little sister in every decision she makes, but if you _are_ taking advantage of her or if you break her heart, I will hunt you down and make you wish that you had never been born. Do I make myself clear?"

Bixlow, terrified to his very core, mutely nodded.

"And next time, will you please practice a little more discretion?"

Again, a nod.

Mirajane smile sweetly. "Also, tell Fried that I said hi."

Nod.

"Now go." Mirajane stepped aside and Bixlow practically sprinted out the door. He could feel her eyes on the back of his neck the entire way home, as though they continued to drill into his soul.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Stay tuned for more cockblocking!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note:** Loving all the feedback you guys! I know I'm not very good at writing smutty material, but I'm glad you guys enjoy the humor. That, I can do. ;)_

_Prepare for more cockblocking, unintentional and otherwise!_

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"So, let me get this straight," Fried said. "You were cockblocked _three times _in one night?"

Bixlow gave a grizzly _hmph _in response, massaging his forehead. The rune mage had strode in to the small house they shared bright and early that morning, and witnessed the wrath of Bixlow as soon as he stepped through the door. Now, after a good hour of senseless yelling on Bixlow's part, they were in the guild hall of Fairy Tail, indulging in a few drinks.

"That _has _to be some kind of taboo," Fried suggested. "Maybe you should reconsider this whole Lisanna thing."

"Bite me," Bixlow snarled. "If it wasn't for you, my night would've been successful from the get-go."

"How on Earthland is this my fault?"

Bixlow counted off on his fingers. "If you had freaking _told _Evergreen where you were, she wouldn't've barged in. If you hadn't rented out my room to Laxus _without my permission_, then Lisanna wouldn't've freaked out when the _human hand _popped out of the blankets, and then she would've stayed the night and I never would've even had to go to her house. I would have woken up in my bed with beautiful girl next to me, instead of waking up on that lump of cotton you call a couch alone and _afraid for my life!_"

Fried's gaze softened. "Wow," he said. "You really do like her, don't you?"

Bixlow didn't bother to answer. He dropped his chin back on the bar counter, moping. His babies were equally distanced, floating around in depressed, droopy circles.

"Look, I'm sorry that you and Lisanna didn't get a chance to sleep together," Fried said sincerely. "But perhaps it's for the best. Maybe it was just...premature."

"Oh, yeah? How soon did you and the barmaid get it on after you started dating?"

"That's beyond the point."

"No, it's exactly the point. Do you now how hard it is to talk to her and watch her and touch her and never get the chance to...to _do _anything about it? Look at her, Fried, she's sexy as hell! Everything she freaking does drives me _insane _and I can't act on it because she's not ready. Last night was the first time she ever let me get as far as she did, and we got caught three times in a row! She'll probably think it's some kind of sign and go back to doubting us!" Bixlow slammed his head down on the bar as his babies chorused _it's a sign, it's a sign!_

"Are you sure you're afraid of her doubting the two of you?" Fried inquired. "Or just you?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, what happens when you finally sleep with her and all that frustration goes away? What are you left with?"

Bixlow stared at him, aghast. "You think that I'm gonna leave her after I get in her pants?"

"No, I don't think that. I think that _she_ thinks that. I mean, you do have something of a reputation among certain circles."

"Okay," Bixlow said, "so I've had my share of one-night stands, but that's what they were: one night. I didn't spend months getting to know 'em."

"All I'm saying is, Lisanna might think that your relationship is driven solely on this sexual frustration you feel."

"You know, I'm not _always _trying to tear her clothes off. We do have conversations. And they're damn good ones too." Bixlow crossed his arms with a note of finality. "I _like _spending time with Lisanna, talking to her and joking around with her. I'm not just in it for sex."

"_Not just for sex, not just for sex!_" his babies chirped.

"Are you reassured, Mirajane?" Fried inquired, glancing down under the bar. Mirajane popped up, blushing and scowling at her boyfriend.

"You weren't supposed to tell him!"

"Well, I figured he had a right to know he was being spied on."

"Wait," Bixlow snapped, "you were eavesdropping?"

"I'm afraid so. Sorry, Bixlow, I had to make sure after last night that you weren't taking advantage of my sister," Mira explained. "Although I didn't realize you'd been cockblocked three times. That's a shame."

"Tell me about it," Bixlow muttered.

"Good luck to you," Mirajane said. "I'm confident that you care adequately for Lisanna and that you're able to take care of her. You have my blessing."

"Thanks?"

"Glad to hear it, Mira-nee." Lisanna stood behind Bixlow, hands on her hips. "Although I have to say it really wouldn't have mattered either way. I've told you that I like Bixlow, and that should have been enough for you."

"Oh, look, Cana needs me," Mirajane said, swishing away blissfully. Lisanna clucked after her and turned her gaze to Bixlow.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked. She glanced at Fried. "In private?"

"Is it a good talk or a bad talk?"

Lisanna rolled her eyes. "Good talk."

"A good talk in private," Bixlow remarked. "I like my odds."

"Just shut up and come with me," Lisanna said, taking his hand and dragging him away from the bar stool. Bixlow's babies piled up like a totem pole beside Fried, an air of mischievousness around them.

"This ought to be interesting," Fried decided.

Lisanna led Bixlow to an abandoned corridor somewhere in the back of the guild, in front of a storage closet. "Look, I heard what you said, and I just want you to know that I'm sorry my brother almost killed you yesterday."

"Your brother? What about your sister? She's the scary one."

"Yeah, but apparently you have her stamp of approval now," Lisanna said suspiciously. "What did you say to her?"

"Just the truth," Bixlow shrugged.

Lisanna smirked. "Which is...?"

"Nothin' important."

"Well it's got to be somewhat important if it soothed Mira's mind."

"It's nothin' you don't already know," Bixlow said.

"Tell me anyway," Lisanna said softly.

Bixlow couldn't say it. The words dried up in his mouth. He swept a strand of Lisanna's short white hair behind her ear and tenderly brushed his lips across hers. Maybe then she would understand without him having to tell her with words and say something wrong and ruin everything.

It seemed like she did, because she closed her eyes and kissed him back with more solidity. Her mouth moved with purpose, gently adding more pressure with each slow kiss. She reached over and opened the door to the storage closet, silently pulling Bixlow in after her. He had to stoop to step inside, and wrestled a mop before he could close the door behind them. Then they were completely alone in the dark.

Lisanna leaned back against the shelves, pulling Bixlow against her. He traced her cheek with the pad of his thumb. His other hand trailed down her body, stopping at the small of her back and pushing up the hem of her shirt, heading for the latch of her bra.

Suddenly the door to the storage closet opened and Fried stood there, blinking with surprise and embarrassment. Bixlow didn't even bother to turn around. He just sighed and bowed his head in exasperation.

"I - I - Really, I'm sorry, I just - Mira needed a mop, so..." Fried attempted to pull the mop from its cluttered corner for several horrendous moments, until finally he gave up and decreed that he'd try a different closet, closing the door behind him.

Lisanna giggled and buried her face in Bixlow's chest, breathing in his pleasant musty smell. "We need to get a 'Do Not Disturb' sign."

"Agreed."

"...Hey, Bixlow?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we going to have sex in a broom closet?"

Bixlow snorted. "Well, not when you say it like _that_. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have performance issues now that Fried knows what we're doing in here and is subconsciously timing us."

"We could stay in here for a ridiculously long time just to screw with him."

Lisanna saw the white flash of Bixlow's grin in the darkness. "Or we could sneak out of here and let him think we're in here for a ridiculously long time while we go get some lunch."

"I like that plan better," Lisanna said as her stomach growled. "Let's do it."

* * *

After lunch, Bixlow walked Lisanna to her house. They didn't even finish the make-out session on the porch before Elfman interrupted them, and Bixlow quickly evacuated the premises before the beast-man gutted him like a pumpkin.

By this point, Bixlow was a tightly wound bundle of repressed hormones. Five times in less than forty-eight hours Lisanna had gotten him going, and five freaking times he'd been cut short. It was frustrating as hell, and it couldn't have been healthy for his libido. He'd been waiting patiently for Lisanna to give the okay for months. _Months_. It was probably the longest he'd waited for any girl. If it was anyone else, he would've given up by now.

But he knew Lisanna was worth it. Not only was she probably one of the sexiest chicks on the _planet_, what with those flashing blue eyes and that laugh that balanced somewhere between naughty and nice and that incredible _body_, but he had yet to grow bored of her. And they hadn't even done any hanky-panky yet. Well, not much anyway.

He pondered what Fried hinted at back at the guild. _Would _Lisanna eventually grow boring after he deflowered her? Bixlow thought about it, and immediately dismissed the notion. He just couldn't see it happening that way. It wasn't that he was above dropping her like a hot coal if she got bland - he wasn't proud to admit that he'd made more than his fair share of females cry or attempt to mortally wound him - but he just couldn't imagine a time when she would ever be boring.

Besides, with the way things were going, it wasn't like he had to worry about what was going to happen after he finally got laid. It seemed like the guild was determined to make sure he didn't get laid at all.

_What if it's a conspiracy?_ he considered. _What if everyone in the guild is purposely cockblocking me because they want Lisanna to remain virtuous? _Well, if that _was _their plan, they obviously didn't know Lisanna very well. She might have been a virgin, but she certainly wasn't the angel she appeared to be. More like a seductress in disguise.

He didn't think it was very fair. Most of them were getting laid. Fried, Elfman, Fullbuster, Salamander, Cowboy...fuck, even that blunette bookworm's little boytoys couldn't keep Black Steel Gajeel out of her pants, and look how _that _relationship started off. Why should they keep Bixlow from happiness when they had already achieved it? None of them could have any idea the kind of anguish he went through waiting for Lisanna to get all nice and comfortable, and now that she was finally ready they were going to step in and steer the car off-course? He didn't _think _so. This was the longest he'd ever been without a good horizontal tango, and he was going absolutely _C-R-A-Z-Y._

"Well," Laxus told him when he was venting his frustrations at his place later that afternoon (because the Lightning Dragonslayer was the only one who might understand, since he wasn't doing so hot in the romance department either). "Crazier."

Bixlow told him in no uncertain terms that he was unhelpful, and stomped upstairs to bed.

* * *

_He was back in Lisanna's room. It was a nice room, much nicer than his own, bigger and more open with the walls painted a pleasantly feminine lavender. Plastered on said walls were posters and pictures of her siblings. There was also a little picture tucked secretly in an alcove behind the ornate mirror hanging on the wall across the room. She'd shown it to him on one occasion before stowing it away again. It was of her parents, smiling happily in the camera, only two weeks before the accident that claimed their lives._

_The bed was neatly made in the corner, orange and blue stripes strangely muted. Bixlow realized in the next instant that he was on the bed, kneeling on it. No, he was straddling something. Some_one_. A very soft, very warm, very attractive someone._

_Lisanna._

_She appeared to him as she had the last time he was in her room, clad in nothing but her underwear. Her short white hair was uncharacteristically tousled, splayed around her head like a pale halo glow across the striking electric blue of her pillowcase. Her eyes were bright with desire, her pretty mouth pulled up in a daring smile. Despite this apparent confidence, there was a dusting of the lightest pink across her cheeks; but that could have been from pure exertion._

_She tipped back her head and released a laugh in that way she had, the kind of throaty laugh that touched the listener's ears in just the right places. It was the kind of laugh that encouraged delicious thoughts, and then immediately made you feel guilty about thinking them._

_Of course, not Bixlow. He rarely felt guilty about any of his thoughts, especially not ones concerning Lisanna._

_The way she arched her neck did interesting things to the glittering sheen of sweat that patterned her chest. The dark lace cupping her breasts only accentuated the porcelain-smooth of her flesh. It was the kind of skin men would die to touch and women would kill to get._

_Well. Bixlow _certainly _wasn't dying. He'd never felt more alive._

_He lowered his mouth to her chest and licked the place just under her clavicle and right above the shadow of cleavage. The perspiration was delectably salty on his tongue. Lisanna let out a shuddering breath, accompanied by a purely carnal sound. Her hips pressed against his own, bringing attention to a particularly warm place on her body that was also covered by a thin layer of black lace. Bixlow felt an almost painful throb radiate from below his belly, but he wasn't getting to that quite yet. He'd waited so long for this, and he was going to make it last._

_Bixlow traced the shape of her body with his long tongue, following the curve of her bust, the gentle ridges on her stomach, all the way down to the slight indention below her hip bones. Smiling, he teasingly wiggled the tip of his tongue into the lip of the lacy black fabric and began to pull it down with his teeth. Lisanna gripped the blanket in her fists with anticipation, but Bixlow's grin only grew wider and he released the fabric, moving even lower. He brushed his lips along the inside curve of her legs. He could practically feel the heat radiating from the spot he was purposely avoiding. Lisanna gasped and nearly kicked him when he sucked in a breath and blew it out with just enough force for her to notice. "Bixlow!"_

_He could tell from the sound of her voice that it was time. And anyway, he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to hold out._

_Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his left pinkie toe._

_"Ouch!" He abruptly sat up and retracted his foot, as it was hanging off the bed. Lisanna sat up, looking very much alarmed._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I think...something bit me," Bixlow said, wiggling his toe. There was a small bead of red blood forming on it._

_"Damn right, someone bit you!" A squeaky voice exclaimed angrily. He felt a clawing on the skin of his calf and a beet-faced Elfman surmounted it. Except this Elfman was only about four inches tall. "About time I got your attention, you bastard! Get off of my sister!"_

_"...What the...where the hell did you come from?!" Bixlow asked._

_"Down here!" Another squeaky voice called. This one sounded painstakingly familiar. Bixlow slowly peered over the side of the bed to witness the entirety of the Fairy Tail guild climbing out from under it. They were all about Elfman's size, if not smaller. Fried, the one who'd spoken, stood below, waving his arms in the air._

_Lisanna looked down at them, aghast. "What are you all doing under my bed?!"_

_"Trying to make sure that this bastard doesn't violate you!" Elfman snarled. "You're too precious for the guild to give away, Lisanna. And certainly not to this sorry excuse for a man. Everyone, get him!"_

_Suddenly the guild charged on to the bed, climbing the blankets like possessed mini-demons. They clawed, punched, bit, and kicked Bixlow with their tiny hands and feet. At first he attempted to swat them away, but then they broke out their magic. Parts of him were electrocuted, burned, frozen, stabbed, shot, and pelted with various other projectiles. It hurt._

_"Ow! The hell, get off me!"_

_"On the count of three, everybody. One, two, three, ROLL!" The tiny people used their combined strength to jerk him off of the bed. Lisanna yelled at them to stop, but she seemed unwilling to harm any of them. Slowly they began to drag him under the dark cavern of the bed. He scratched at the floor, but was inevitably pulled into the abyss._

Bixlow screamed bloody murder and shot up, drenched in cold sweat. He felt around the blankets frantically, then relaxed a fraction. Yes, the smell and the roughness of the blankets confirmed it. He was not with Lisanna. He was in his own, albeit sticky, bed.

He jumped violently when his door banged open and Laxus and Fried stormed in, flicking the light on and searching methodically for the source of the danger. When they couldn't find one, their gazes turned to Bixlow. Fried lowered his rapier and shook his head when he took in his teammate's state. "Nightmare, huh?"

"No," Bixlow snorted, "just wanted to see how much you two _really _cared."

"I'll say," Laxus remarked, looking pointedly at the bulge underneath Bixlow's blanket. Bixlow scowled and snatched a dislodged pillow from the ground, placing it on his lap.

Fried sighed, dragging his rapier behind him as he retreated from the room without a word. Laxus chuckled deviously and tossed, "Do us a favor, Bixlow, and leave us out of your wet dreams," over his shoulder.

"Do me a favor and _stay_ out of them," Bixlow muttered, collapsing back on the bed.

Well, damn. Not even in his dreams could he get lucky.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **One more chapter to go, guys!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note:** Last chapter, folks! It's been a fun little break from my other projects, but I should probably be getting back to those now. If you want more Lisanna and Bixlow from me, go on my profile and vote on what I should work on next! There's some LisBix up there. ;)_

* * *

**Chapter Three**

Lisanna was miserable.

For the past few weeks, she'd barely seen Bixlow. He'd taken on a series of jobs one after the other without telling her where he was going, what he was doing, or anything of the sort. Sometimes he left without telling her at all. When he came back from his missions, all he did was sleep, restore his energy, and go on yet another mission. He looked a mess, but he had an aura of excitement underneath his ennui.

The worst part was that this occurred right after she'd almost spent the night with him. Almost. If it weren't for Evergreen, Laxus, her siblings, and Fried cockblocking them on numerous occasions. Lisanna knew that Bixlow had been very patient with her, and she was grateful that he understood her hesitation. It wasn't that she didn't _want _Bixlow (the exact opposite was true, in fact) but this increasing desire for him scared her a little. Her inner conflict when they found spots to neck was just as frustrating for her as it was for him. Sometimes she just _wanted _him so badly that it was almost embarrassing, but something in her head held her back.

Now, after months of making him wait, she was worried about something else. What if he'd taken the cockblocking as a sign and was cheating on her? Or what if he'd simply got tired of waiting for her?

When Lisanna voiced her insecurity to Mirajane, the barmaid only blinked at her for a moment before chuckling and shaking her head. "Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Lisanna," she said. "Bixlow isn't cheating on you. I know this for a fact."

"How?"

"Let's just say I have my sources."

"Did Fried say something to you? Please, Mira-nee, tell me!"

Mirajane mimed zipping her mouth closed. "Sorry, no can do. My lips are sealed."

"You're absolutely no help," Lisanna pouted.

"I can promise you that Bixlow isn't avoiding you," Mira consoled. "At least, not on purpose. It's nothing that you've done. His heart is in the right place. I wouldn't allow him to put you through such distress if I didn't know it was for a good reason."

"You sound like a fortune cookie," Lisanna frowned. But she was reassured, at least, that whatever Bixlow was up to wasn't because of her.

Lisanna began going on missions of her own. There was no point in sitting around moping while there was money to be made. She took on little things, occasionally tagging along with Elfman on bigger jobs. One day she returned from one of these requests and Laki informed her that, "Your bevisored suitor was beseeching your presence."

"When?" she inquired.

"Approximately 360 minutes ago."

"So...this morning?"

"Affirmative."

Lisanna wandered around looking for Bixlow, but Nab told her that he'd taken another job when he couldn't find her and wouldn't be back until the next morning. She thanked him and gloomily ordered a drink from Mira. Now their _schedules_ were in the way of their relationship.

The next morning Lisanna was besieged by a hangover that was the result of a drinking contest between herself, Natsu, Gray, Lucy, and Cana. Her head pounded like someone was beating it with a baseball bat, and her mouth was sticky and tasted like a mixture of old pizza, dirty socks, and acid. She could hardly even get out of bed to throw up the poison from her body.

She'd been dozing off when someone knocked on her door. She heard the familiar squeaky greetings of Bixlow's tiki dolls and groaned in horror, burying her face in the pillow. "Go away."

"C'mon, me 'n the babies thought you'd might like some company," Bixlow said, walking across the room and sitting on the edge of her bed. She felt a hand on the back of her head, wonderfully cool against the hot pounding. "We haven't seen you in a while."

Lisanna wasn't in a charitable mood. "And whose fault is that?"

"I take full responsibility," Bixlow admitted, throwing his hands up in surrender. "But I promise, it's worth the wait."

"_Worth the wait, worth the wait!_" his babies crooned.

"Whatever," Lisanna muttered, hiding her face again. She certainly didn't want Bixlow to see her like this, looking all sickly and puffy eyed from a wild night of drinking. She'd outlasted Lucy and Gray, but in the end was defeated by Nastu and Cana, dragged out of the bar nearly unconscious by Mirajane and Elfman.

"I heard that you had quite a party yesterday," Bixlow continued. She could feel him running his eyes over her. "I guess the rumors were true."

"Go away," Lisanna repeated, this time with less venom. She didn't want him to see her like this, but he'd put his hand between her shoulder blades and it was like an ice pack. It felt great on her heated skin.

"I come baring gifts," Bixow said, pulling a mug of coffee from behind his back and waving it enticingly in front of her. "It's that fancy hazelnut crap you like so much."

"Coming from the man who drinks it black," Lisanna said, peeking out from her pillow. The coffee did look delicious, and piping hot. Maybe it'd clear her head and her throat.

"If you don't want it..."

"No, I guess it'll do." Lisanna sat up with a ghost of a smile on her face, accepting the mug Bixlow placed in her hands. She blew on the steaming surface and took a cautious sip, quickly retreating when the liquid burned her tongue.

"Too hot?"

"It'll cool off," Lisanna dismissed. She ran her fingers through her hair, trying to smooth it down. "Thanks for the coffee. It was nice of you to bring it. I'm...sorry I snapped at you."

"Apology not accepted," Bixlow sniffed. "I mean, I come to you when I know you're sick, bring you a cure for your ailment, and all I get in return in a case of the sourass. I don't think it's fair."

"_Not fair!_"

"_Nuh-uh!_"

"_Not fair at all!_"

Lisanna smirked. "Well, what can I do to make it up to you?"

"You can join me for dinner tomorrow night, if you're feelin' up to it."

"I think I can squeeze you in."

Bixlow gave her a tongue-lolling grin. "Sounds like a date."

"_Date, date!_"

"Sounds like it." Lisanna tried the coffee again, this time with greater success. "This is really good, Bixlow. Where'd you get it?"

"Made it myself. Roasted the beans and everything."

"Impressive."

"Didn't get to try any, though," Bixlow sighed tragically. "Mind if I have a taste?"

Lisanna held up her mug as an offering, but Bixlow only grinned and leaned across it, planting a kiss on her mouth. She closed her eyes and melted into it, leaning on Bixlow's chest for support as his tongue swooped dexterously across her bottom lip, sampling the coffee before entering her mouth and getting the full taste. "Not half bad," he admitted between kisses. Lisanna raised herself up on her knees as Bixlow's marvelously cool hands slipped up her shirt and ran up her back. A wave of vertigo caused by the sudden movement overtook her and she leaned forward without realizing it.

The coffee slipped from her hands and splashed down Bixlow's entire chest. He howled and jumped off the bed, quickly stripping off his shirt and assessing the damage. Lisanna tumbled off of the bed entirely, landing sprawled on her stomach.

Bixlow cursed and helped her up, gingerly steadying her swaying body. "You okay?"

Lisanna opened her mouth to ask him the same question, considering he was the one who'd just been burned by hot coffee, but was suddenly gripped by a wave of nausea. She frantically shook her head and bolted to the bathroom with her mouth covered by her hand.

_Way to ruin a perfect moment, Lisanna_, she thought to herself as she heard Mirajane escort Bixlow out of the house. She leaned her head on the chilly porcelain of the bathtub, wallowing in self-pity. _He'll sure look forward to dinner tomorrow after _that _catastrophe! _

She only hoped that he hadn't been burned too badly.

* * *

By the next day, the sickness in Lisanna's stomach had nothing to do with alcohol. She was surprised to discover that she was nervous about this dinner with Bixlow. It was rare that he ever formally asked her anywhere. She wondered if he would finally tell her what he'd been up to for the past month.

Bixlow hadn't said where they were going, but Lisanna couldn't imagine it was anywhere fancy. He hated etiquette. But if there was some big announcement happening, she didn't want to underdress.

Wait. Announcement?

Lisanna froze, the silky blouse she'd been considering slipping from her hands. Details from the past month began coming together at such a rapid pace that she couldn't control it. Bixlow's constant work schedule...Mirajane's certainty that he wasn't cheating on her...dinner...

"Oh my god," Lisanna breathed. "He's going to _propose_."

It all made sense. Bixlow was working so much so he could save up money for a ring. He'd obviously told Fried his plans, and Fried had told Mirajane, which was how she was so sure that Bixlow wasn't cheating. Now he'd invited her to dinner, where he was going to reveal his secret.

Bixlow wanted to marry her.

Oh god. How was Lisanna going to respond when he asked her? She cared for Bixlow, she really did, but she was only seventeen. She didn't want to get married yet! And they'd only been dating for a few months. Neither of them had even dropped the L-bomb!

Lisanna definitely hadn't expected this from Bixlow. He seemed so...unfit for matrimony. He was wild and crazy and unpredictable, and while Lisanna appreciated these characteristics, she couldn't possibly imagine him waiting for her at the end of the aisle with that visor on his face and that trademark Bixlow grin. He was never _serious _enough to consider marriage! Lisanna hadn't even teased him about it like she used to tease Natsu because the notion was so ludicrous.

She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach when she thought about telling him no. What if he did something big and elaborate at the restaurant? What if he got down on one knee and everything? How could she crush him like that? Lisanna knew that they would never recover from tonight if she refused his proposal. And it made her want to curl up in a ball and cry, because these past few months had been some of the happiest of her life.

For a second she thought about canceling. But then she squared her shoulders and resumed picking out something to wear. She couldn't be a coward. Lisanna hated that she had to tell him no, but she just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment yet. _Maybe_, she thought wistfully, _he'll be okay with it. Maybe we'll be able to go on and joke around like we used to_.

Even to her it sounded far-fetched.

Eventually she chose a navy-blue sundress with white lace trim. It was something fancy enough for a nice restaurant but casual enough for a comfortable place. She'd just finished fiddling with her hair in the mirror when there was a knock on the front door.

Lisanna took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing."

Bixlow was waiting for her on the porch, looking remarkably casual in black pants, a hooded striped shirt with the hood drawn up to go with his visor, and a dark green jacket. His appearance was somewhat of a relief; it meant they weren't going anywhere fancy, therefore he probably wouldn't propose to her in public. His babies were absent, but that also wasn't unusual when they went on dates.

He gave her a tongue-lolling grin when he saw her, and offered her an arm. "Ready for the best night of your freakin' life?"

"Are you?" Lisanna asked, forcing a smile as she linked their arms. Then she immediately regretted saying it, because the likelihood of their night going smoothly at all was scarce. She quickly changed the subject. "Where are we going?"

"I figured we'd drop by Marco's for dinner," Bixlow said, referring to their favorite go-to joint. It was a small family owned business that had an amazing secret recipe for everything on the menu. "Anyway, the real fun starts after that."

Lisanna felt her voice raise an octave. "What do you have planned after dinner?"

"That's the surprise," Bixlow said, grinning at her again.

"Oh..._yay_, surprises," Lisanna said after her heartbeat got back under control.

Bixlow frowned. "Y'don't seem very happy 'bout that. Usually you love tryin' to figure out the surprise. Feelin' okay?"

"I'm fine. Sorry, just...tired, I guess."

"Oh, that'll go away once you see it," Bixlow assured with a hint of mischievousness. "I promise, you're gonna go crazy."

"I'm sure I will," Lisanna squeaked.

They made it to Marco's and was greeted by the owner himself, a short round man with a bushy blue mustache and shiny head. He led them to a booth in the corner and filled in their usual orders, weaving his way through the maze of tables to bring it to the kitchen. Marco's was a tiny, homey restaurant with no particular theme. The colors were mainly earthy neutrals and soft yellows. The walls were plastered with autographed pictures of famous people who'd eaten there (Erza, Mirajane, Elfman, and Natsu were among these), things that artists and children had doodled on the napkins for the owner, and other such items. It was the kind of restaurant that was never packed, but wasn't too popular either, although the food was absolutely exquisite.

"Oi." Lisanna jumped, realizing that Bixlow was speaking to her. He took up most of the seat of the small, two-person booth. It would have been comical if not for the situation. "You sure you're okay, kid? You're...spacy."

Lisanna wasn't sure how to answer. Should she tell him now? No, they were still in Marco's. She didn't want to have _that _conversation in public. She just needed to file it away until after dinner.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

Bixlow looked unconvinced, but their food arrived. It was a blissfully convenient distraction. Marco nodded his bald head at them and kissed his fingers. "Enjoy, you lovebirds!"

Lisanna blushed as she accepted her spaghetti. She'd forgotten how much of a romantic Marco was. In fact, she could have sworn that every time they came, the owner sat them in the same secluded booth, told them the same gushy story...

Oh. Shit.

"You know," he began, "it was here in this very booth that I proposed to my beautiful wife. We hadn't been dating for very long, but I knew in those short months that she was the one for me. I couldn't've asked for a better woman. So I snatched her up lickety-split," he added with a conspiring wink at Bixlow. "Been married for fifteen years, now. That's why I bought this place after it went up for sale. It was a sign, you know. Quit my job and gathered up my grandmother's best recipes, started up a restaurant."

"Congrats," Bixlow said. Lisanna just twirled the spaghetti on her fork with extreme intensity. Marco again told them to enjoy their food and hobbled away to serve another table. Bixlow chuckled and shook his head, assembling his burger. "Gotta like Marco, but I think he's goin' senile. Tells us the same damn story every time we come here."

"He certainly does," Lisanna remarked.

"A nice story though," said Bixlow thoughtfully. "Don'tcha think?"

Lisanna stuffed her face with spaghetti so she wouldn't have to answer.

"Hungry?"

Lisanna scowled, but she couldn't defend herself due to the amount of food in her mouth.

They finished dinner and, after their usual argument about who paid the check (Lisanna was firm in her belief that they take turns paying it, but Bixlow always insisted that it was his turn because he claimed that only pussies let their girlfriends pay for their meal), they left the restaurant to head to their next surprise destination.

As they got closer and closer to where ever it was, Lisanna began shaking with anticipation. Oh no oh no oh no, he was going to ask her soon, any moment, and she didn't even know where they were going, how many people were going to be around, how much thought he put into it -

She jumped when she felt fabric slip around her shoulders, and looked up to find Bixlow draping his jacket over her shoulders. "You're shivering," was his explanation.

Lisanna wanted to cry. Bixlow was such a great guy, and she was getting ready to stomp all over his heart. She certainly didn't want to. But marriage just wasn't an option for her.

"We're almost there," he warned, grinning. Lisanna couldn't take it anymore. She froze and stopped him as well, biting her lip nervously.

"Bixlow...there's something I have to tell you."

"What's up?" he asked. She could sense rather than see his raised eyebrow.

She took a deep breath. "I know what your surprise is."

"...What, seriously?! The fuck, how did you - FRIED! 'Morals' my ass, he's a goddamn squealer! When I get my hands on him - "

"Wait, Bixlow!" Lisanna said. "I want you to know that I really appreciate it but...I'm sorry, but I can't go through with it. I can't do it."

Bixlow stopped talking. Lisanna knew he was blinking under his visor. "You can't...what?"

"I'm too young! I'm only seventeen, and I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet. You understand, don't you?"

"Not really," Bixlow snapped, agape. "I mean, there are people younger than you who do it. You're a legal adult now, so I don't understand what the big deal is. And, I mean, you made it seem like you were ready for this a few weeks ago..."

"But I'm not! I just can't go through with it! And it's got nothing to do with you - "

"Are you _kidding _me?!" said Bixlow, outraged. "You're pullin' the 'it's not you, it's me' crap?! I'm not gonna rush you if you don't wanna go through with it, but at least have the decency to tell me the truth! Or come up with a better excuse."

"That _is _the truth! It's not because I don't want _you_. I was just so worried that if I told you no then you would be upset and you wouldn't want to be with me anymore. And we've had so much fun together that...I don't know, I was scared to lose you. I really love you, and I don't want that to happen to us!" Lisanna choked on those last words and quickly covered her mouth with her hands. Did she really just say that? She said the deadly four-letter word, and while she was declining a marriage proposal. Oh, god. She was going to be sick.

Bixlow seem equally stunned. "That...wouldn't happen. I've been waiting for a while for you, Lisanna. I can wait longer. As long as you need. Don't think that just because you ain't ready for somethin' I'm gonna leave. If I haven't yet, I don't got plans to. I'd be stupid to." He grinned and ruffled her hair affectionately. "So if you're not ready yet, just say so. No rush."

"Thank you, Bixlow," Lisanna breathed, relieved. She didn't think he'd be so understanding. And although she did notice that he didn't mention the L-word, she could feel it in his reassurance.

"Want me to take you home?"

Lisanna smiled. She trailed her fingers down the soft fabric of his shirt and took a step closer, so she could feel the heat and scent of him. "I was thinking that since Fried and Mira are also doing something tonight, we could go back to your place."

Bixlow only stared at her, expression eerily blank behind his mask and his arms hanging limply at his sides. "Okay," he said, "now I'm just confused."

"What?"

"You're totally shitting me, right? Sending me mixed signals on purpose?"

"Now _I'm _confused," Lisanna said, taking a step back. "What are you talking about?"

"Wait," Bixlow blurted out, holding up a hand. "What exactly did Fried tell you my surprise was?"

"Well, Fried didn't tell me anything."

"Fine, then what did Mirajane tell you?"

"Well...nothing exactly. Only that you had a secret. I figured it out when I realized that you were probably taking missions to save up money for a ring, and - "

"A _ring_?!" Bixlow exclaimed. "Like, the wedding kind?"

"Well, yeah. Wasn't that your surprise?"

Bixlow stared at her in pure dumbfoundment. Then he tipped back his head and guffawed. Lisanna felt her face heat up as she stood there and watched him laugh at her so hard that he had to double over. "What's so funny?"

"Y-you...you thought that I was...gonna ask you to _marry _me?!"

"Weren't you?"

"No!" Bixlow gasped, shaking his head vigorously. "Hell no! Sorry, babe, I love you and all, but I'm definitely not the marrying type!"

Lisanna suddenly felt very foolish. Her face became hotter. "Well, then what was this grand surprise you've had me worrying about for the past month?"

"C'mon," Bixlow said once he'd recovered. He held out his hand and accompanied it with his grin. "I'll show you."

Although her pride was still stung from his rebuttal (although now that she thought about it, she'd had no real evidence to support the idea that Bixlow was going to propose), Lisanna took his hand and let him lead her down the street. After a few more blocks they stopped at a corner. "Alright," Bixlow said. "From here I'm gonna have to blindfold you."

"Blindfold me? Why?"

"To make sure it stays a surprise. Duh." Bixlow grinned. "Unless there's some other reason you wanna stay blindfolded."

Lisanna gave him a look. "Says the man behind the visor."

Bixlow just snorted and covered her eyes with his hands, which were big enough to make sure that she couldn't peek. Gently he guided her down the street, directing her with his hands, feet, and voice. As far as blindfolding went, it was a nice experience. She could feel his chest pressed against her back, and his arms around her shoulders. In order to stay balanced she placed her hands on his arms. Bixlow noticed when she squeezed the toned muscles with her fingers. She could feel his grin above her, and joined it with a grin of her own.

"Okay, we're stopping here," Bixlow said. "Are you ready?"

"I guess so."

Bixlow uncovered her eyes. Lisanna blinked and let her eyes wander, but from what she could tell they were just standing in the parking lot of an apartment complex. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"That, right over there," Bixlow said pointing to a window in the far right of the apartment complex. "You see that?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"It's mine."

Lisanna wheeled around. "What do you mean, it's yours?"

"I mean, I bought it. With money. That I got from working missions all last month. I live there now."

"You...got your own apartment?" Lisanna grinned and embraced him. "Bixlow, that's great! Congratulations! What made you change your mind about bunking with Fried? You guys've been living together for as long as I can remember."

"Yeah, well, I suddenly had a need for privacy."

Lisanna pulled back and gave him a look. "So...you decided to get your own apartment because we got cockblocked so many times?"

"Mostly 'cause I was worried about an early onset of erectile dysfunction as a result of all the cockblocking, but yeah."

"Bixlow..." said Lisanna, amused. "You just purchased a love shack."

"C'mon, I think it's much nicer than a _shack_," Bixlow objected.

"Fine, then it's a love nest. But it's still...well, I can't decide whether I should be flattered or creeped out."

"Please be flattered. That was the intention."

"Okay, fine. I'm flattered."

"Good." Bixlow leaned down and kissed her in the parking lot, slowly and sensually, with a lot to be implied. When they broke apart, he said, "You wanna go see the inside?"

"Well of course," she agreed. He led her across the parking lot to the buidng and swung her into the elevator, pulling her against him just as the doors closed.

"Another perk of living in an apartment five stories up," he said.

Lisanna reached around him and grabbed the bar bolted to the wall behind him in each hand, using it as leverage to press closer. "Definitely a perk," she purred.

Five dings later they were stumbling out of the elevator as the doors automatically opened, unwilling to break contact as they tripped over each other down the corridor. The door to Bixlow's apartment shuddered when they slammed up against it, breath heady and heavy with desire already passing between them. He fumbled with his keys, but Lisanna helpfully reached into his pocket and extracted them for him, groping something that wasn't his keys along the way. Bixlow's fingernails scratched paint chips off the door.

Lisanna smirked and handed him the keys. "I don't think your neighbors are going to be very happy with you tonight."

"Solid concrete walls, baby," Bixlow said, hurriedly sticking the key in the lock and turning it. "Never had any noise complaints ever before."

"Mmm, we'll see what we can do about that." The door gave, and Lisanna used her hips to open it all the way, pulling Bixlow in after her and stopping any further chit-chat by covering his mouth with hers.

The lights flicked on.

"SURPRISE!"

Lisanna jerked away and wheeled around to see the majority of the Fairy Tail guild gathered together in the den of Bixlow's apartment, decked out in party hats and kazoos. A sign draped across the back wall read _Happy Housewarming_.

The participants of the surprise party looked as utterly stricken as Lisanna and Bixlow. They'd grown silent after declaring the surprise, which only made the situation increasingly awkward as it dragged on. Someone in the crowd puffed a kazoo too late. Macao gave them a catcall, which made Lisanna's face turn beet red.

Lucy spoke first, obviously attempting to break the mortifyingly uncomfortable silence. "Well...uh, c-congratulations on your new place, Bixlow. Um...it's really nice."

"Fried," Bixlow hissed, pretending like the blonde hadn't spoken. "Where. The hell. Is Fried?"

"Right over here!" Laxus said, shoving the guilty party to the front. Fried gave him an intensely irritated scowl, but only got a grin that said Laxus was enjoying this too much for his own good in return.

Bixlow grabbed Fried by the collar of his jacket and yanked him outside in the corridor without a word, slamming the door behind him. Leaving Lisanna standing alone. She cleared her throat. "So...glad you guys could make it. Uh..."

Natsu interrupted her. "Oi! We got food over here!"

It was a grateful reprieve from the awkwardness. The crowd flocked toward the food, revoking their decision to wait until Bixlow arrived to eat. Lisanna blinked at them, and then her shoulders slumped with disappointment. "Alright, I guess you guys aren't leaving any time soon. Please, make yourselves comfortable."

Meanwhile, in the corridor:

"What the _hell_, Fried?!"

"I'm sorry, you bought the apartment a couple of days ago...I just thought - "

"Idiot, you knew I had a date with Lisanna tonight!"

"I did _not_, you never told me that! All you said was that you were going to see her yesterday, so I'd assumed that - "

"I told _Laxus_!"

"Dammit! I knew I shouldn't have trusted him when he suggested we have your party on such short notice. I'm sorry, Bixlow, I - "

"I'm gonna kill both of you! Do you know how freakin' long I've waited for this?! All the trouble I went through tonight?!"

"How many times can I say that I'm sorry - ?"

"Just forget it." Bixlow stormed into his apartment, and was greeted with yet another "SURPRISE!" from people who obviously enjoyed rubbing salt in a wound. He unceremoniously flicked them off, inciting a round of guffaws, before running right in to Lisanna. She looked a bit hopeless and exasperated herself.

"They don't have any immediate plans of leaving," she explained. "They've even got a buffet set up in your kitchen."

Bixlow heaved a sigh. He expected as much. "Next time, we're getting a hotel room and calling it a day."

"Well," Lisanna murmured, her eyes smouldering. "Why wait until next time?"

Bixlow raised his eyebrows and gave her the biggest grin he was capable of. He grabbed her hand and discreetly weaved his way through the crowd, only to bump into a very intoxicated Cana about two feet from the exit.

"Ay, there's tonight's VIP," she slurred drunkenly. "If you don't know, that stands for Very Infelicitous Player."

Lisanna had to be impressed at her rapier wit, especially in her wasted state.

"Where're you two headed off?" Cana continued, eyeing their hands and impatient demeanor.

"None ya," Bixlow said. "Now, if you don't mind movin'..."

"Sneaky, sneaky, Bixlow. Still tryin' to steal this poor kid's virtue after all this? Lisanna, I suggest you join a convent. There's no way in hell this poor bastard's ever gonna catch a lucky break. You might be jinxed."

"Cana, _please_," Lisanna hissed. "You're being very loud. Just let us through. For me?"

"Me? Loud? Psh," Cana dismissed. She turned back to her keg, but it was too late. Elfman had already overheard, and was marching over to them.

"Oi! You're not planning on leaving so early after we set all this up for you, are you, Bixlow?" he inquired, slapping the bevisored man's back with more force than necessary. "'Cause that wouldn't be a very manly thing to do."

"Oh, just let 'em go, Elfman," Cana drawled.

"Go where?"

Cana snorted. "To a hotel, obviously."

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE, BASTARD!" Elfman roared, tackling Bixlow to the ground. No one was entirely certain what was happening, but punches were thrown, food was chucked, and one of the biggest brawls to ever take place outside of the guild hall began.

"I'm going to be a virgin forever!" Lisanna wailed over the ruckus, burying her face in her hands.

Cana patted her back consolingly, but her next words were less than sympathetic. "Should've done Pinkie over there when you still had the chance, girl."

"_Cana!_"

The woman in question slumped over in her chair and began drooling on Lisanna's shoulder. She'd evidently reached her maximum alcohol consumption for the night.

It all sort of worked out in the end. The next morning, Bixlow woke up (fully clothed, unfortunately) on the couch with the most beautiful girl in the world in his arms. And the entire Fairy Tail guild was passed out all around them. "Maybe Cana's right," he muttered to himself. "We are jinxed."

He could've sworn Lisanna's mouth turned up in smile.

Bixlow also got a warning from his land lord. Apparently, his neighbors had complained about the noise.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** So, as you can see, no one actually got laid. Too bad, huh? I hope you guys still got a kick out of it! And don't forget to vote on my poll and review if you want more! Hasta la vista...babies. ;D_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:**_ Okay, so I lied. Well, not exactly lied, per se. I did expect Chapter Three to be the last chapter, but then I got a review from somebody with the username _**Bshaw** _and I couldn't help it. I was inspired. Besides, I think this is a better ending anyway._

_Prepare for (some) nudity...!_

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"...And that," Levy concluded, "is the story of how Bixlow got his own apartment."

Gajeel raised a nonexistent eyebrow at his informant, peering over her shoulder at the couple they were discussing. He'd been away on a mission during most of the events that had transpired, so she was dutifully catching him up on the guild gossip. Not that he'd even freaking asked her to.

But now that he knew the story, his curiosity was a little piqued.

"So...d'you know if they've...you know...?"

Levy blushed delicately. "Well how am I supposed to know _that_, Gajeel?"

"I was just asking! It sounded like that was the moral of the story, or somethin'. Would've been a damn good ending, if you ask me."

"Well..." Levy admitted, biting her lip. "Mira's keeping close tabs on them, and according to her it doesn't seem like they've gotten the chance to...you know..._do _anything yet. The party was only two days ago."

"How would she know?"

"It's _body language_, Gajeel," Levy huffed, as if this were common knowledge. It must've been something that girls noticed. He certainly didn't go around studying people's posture, trying to decide if they'd had sex or not. "People's actions toward each other change after they've done the do."

Gajeel considered this. "So, does that mean that everybody could tell when we did it?"

At this Levy just wiggled her eyebrows and hopped off the stool, skipping toward the request board to look for a job. Gajeel glared after her. _She probably _told_ everyone after we did it_, he thought to himself, smirking. _She couldn't have kept it to herself. I'm just that goddamn amazing_.

Yeah. He'd stick with that.

* * *

"What is the point in having a love nest if I never fucking get to use it?" Bixlow inquired one day, strolling down the street with Fried. It had been nearly a week since he'd purchased the damn thing, and the one time Lisanna had even been over the entire guild bombarded them.

Fried gave him a look. "Did you just call it your 'love nest'?"

"I find 'love shack' offensive."

"_Offensive_, _offensive_!" his babies chirped.

"Look," Fried sighed. "Just give it time. It's not like the apartment is going anywhere. You'll have plenty of privacy to smote Lisanna's virtue in the future."

"What is with you guys?" Bixlow snapped. "You make it sound like I'm the perverted Big Bad Wolf trying to steal Little Red Riding Hood's basket of goodies."

"Aren't you?"

"No! All I'm tryin' to do is take my relationship with my girlfriend to the next level; with her eager consent, I might add! None of you guys got any crap for that. I don't see why I should."

"_No, no, doesn't make sense at all! Not fair!_" squeaked the tiki dolls.

"I think it has less to do with you and more to do with Lisanna," Fried reasoned. "She's kind of...precious to our guild, don't you think? We all thought she died two years ago. I suppose that most of us still consider her the child she was when she left. All of a sudden she comes back and falls in love with..._you_."

"Why d'you say it like that?" Bixlow scoffed.

"Well, you're not exactly the kind of guy fathers want near their daughters," Fried deadpanned. "You stick out your tongue all the time like some kind of punk rocker, you're a mage who uses magic that borderlines on dark, you're somewhat of a perverted womanizer, you've got _blue hair _- "

"Okay, okay, I get it," Bixlow exclaimed. "So I'm not exactly a saint. Sue me. But Lisanna ain't no angel, either. Ever think that maybe that's the reason we get on so good?"

Fried shrugged. "Could be."

"All I'm saying is that I'm not a bad guy," Bixlow muttered crossly, a pout forming on his lips. "Not when it comes to her."

"Says the man trying to steal her virginity."

"It's not stealing, dammit! It's accepting. _Accepting_. As in given freely."

"Sure. Whatever you say."

They strode into Bixlow's apartment complex, passing his neighbor (a batty old lady with a stereotypical penchant for cats) who glared at him vehemently as she checked her mailbox. Even though she was half deaf, Bixlow was convinced that she was the one who filed the noise complaint. No one else seemed to dislike him. Yet.

"So, is there a reason that you haven't invited Lisanna back yet?" Fried asked as they stepped into the elevator and Bixlow pressed the button emblazoned with 5.

"Just been busy. Ain't got the time. But I did give her a key. Doubt she'll use it, though."

"Why didn't I get a key?" Fried inquired as they stepped out of the elevator and walked down the corridor to Bixlow's apartment. The bevisored man stopped and gave him a look that he could only see half of.

"I just called this place a love nest and you're seriously askin' me why I didn't give you a key?"

"Point taken. Proceed."

Bixlow rolled his eyes and unlocked the door. And froze when he opened it and saw what lay within.

The room had been transformed with candles. Their soft glow was the only illumination; even the curtains had been closed to keep out the afternoon sun. Soft music that Bixlow didn't recognize played from some unspecified location. And standing there, in the middle of the room, was Lisanna.

Nude.

He had to stop and admire the view. The flickering shadows of the candles highlighted her luxurious curves and porcelain skin, and her hair reflected it with a golden glow. She stood with her back half turned to them, so Bixlow could only make out the rosy tip of one breast. Her shoulders were beautifully bare and sloped down into a graceful arch that became her back. He followed the curve of her hips and bottom to the guild tattoo on her thigh.

She smirked when she noticed him come in. Her blue eyes rested on him for a fleeting moment, then turned to something beside him and grew wide with horror.

Then Fried made a tiny squeaking noise, and Bixlow remembered that he wasn't alone.

Lisanna let out a blood-curdling scream and quickly turned her back on them, hunching down and covering her breasts with her arms. "BIXLOW!" she shouted, as though it was _his _fault she'd decided to run around _his _apartment naked.

"Shit! Sorry, uh, j-just let me get that blanket for - "

"GET OUT! CLOSE THE DOOR! GO!"

"Yeah, right, um - " Bixlow shoved Fried behind him and did as he was instructed, the door shutting behind him with a sound like thunder. Fried was stunned speechless, his eyes round as saucers. He looked like a mishappen Christmas decoration, his face was so red. Bixlow didn't even know what to say. His babies littered the floor, shell-shocked.

"I...uh...I guess she used the key after all," Fried managed to squawk, clearing his throat nervously.

"That _never_ happened. Erase it from your mind," Bixlow warned, pointing a finger at Fried. "Got it?"

Fried nodded. "I won't tell if you won't. Mira won't be very happy if she finds out - "

"Finds out _what_?"

"...Nevermind. I - I'm just going to go home now." Fried turned and marched toward the elevator, his face still an impossible shade of scarlet. Bixlow wondered Fried would flush every time he saw Lisanna from now on.

He hoped not. That would mean that Fried thought about Lisanna naked when he saw her, and _that _was disturbing to no end.

Bixlow sighed and scooped up his babies, heading inside the apartment.

Lisanna was quickly pulling on her shirt. She was fully clothed now, the candles all snuffed out. Even in the semi-darkness Bixlow could see that her face was twice as dark as Fried's had been.

"Um, Lisanna...? Just me now. Fried went home," he said, dumping the tiki dolls on the counter. Peppe stirred and made a small, pitiful noise, but that was the extent of their revival.

"I...I can't _believe _that...that...oh my _god_." Lisanna dumped her face in her hands. "I can't believe that just _happened_."

"Trust me, I'm just as shocked as you are," Bixlow said dryly.

"That was the intent," Lisanna squeaked. "I just thought that...well, that you'd be alone, first of all."

"Yeah. That was pretty clear. Unless there's somethin' about you and Fried I need to know."

Lisanna's face became spotted red. Bixlow wasn't sure if that was healthy or not. Maybe she was blushing so much that her blood vessels were losing function. "Not helping, Bixlow. This tops every single embarrassing cockblocking incident so far."

"I don't know. Your brother almost killin' me came pretty close. Not to mention all those tiny hands draggin' me under my own bed..." Bixlow shuddered at the memory.

Lisanna gave him a blank look. "What?"

"Nothin'. Look, s'no big deal. Fried'll get some brain bleach and this'll all blow over."

"Are you kidding me?! This is...this is awful!" Lisanna cried. "How would you like it if the roles were reversed?! What if my sister walked in and _you_ were naked?!"

"...I don't think you want me to answer that."

Lisanna chucked a pillow at him. "This isn't _funny_, Bixlow!"

"It's a little funny," Bixlow remarked, pinching his thumb and forefinger together to demonstrate the amount of hilarity. When Lisanna looked ready to rip his throat out, he backtracked. "Hey, if you want me to arrange it so that the barmaid walks in on me naked, I'd be willing to make that sacrifice. But I can't promise that she won't try to jump all over _this_." Bixlow ran a hand down his physique for emphasis.

Lisanna attempted a scowl, but she couldn't maintain a straight face long enough to accomplish it. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

"But I'm _your _jerk," Bixlow said endearingly, releasing a tongue-lolling grin now that any further crisis was safely avoided. He flopped gracelessly on the couch beside her, tousling her hair. "Can't believe you screamed at me. A little much, don'tcha think?"

"What, did I scare you?" Lisanna smirked.

"Me? Nah."

"Are you sure? You closed that door pretty fast."

"Well of course I did, Fried was gettin' a good eyeful!" Bixlow teased, dodging Lisanna's half-playful, half-serious slap. "You sure scared him. I think he might've pissed himself after that."

"You sure it wasn't just because he wanted to jump all over _this_?" Lisanna mocked Bixlow's previous remark, gesturing grandly to her physique.

"Dunno," Bixlow said. "Could be. I would."

"Would?"

"Can," Bixlow amended, sliding closer to her. "How 'bout we light those candles and try again, hm?"

"Mmm," Lisanna considered, biting her lip as his hands trailed down her back and wrapped around her waist. "As pleasant as that sounds, I think I've been traumatized enough for one day."

Bixlow clutched his chest and flopped back onto the couch, looking up earnestly from her lap. "That was harsh, woman. But you're probably right. A night with me after all that...it'd just be too much for you to handle."

Lisanna quirked an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge I sense?"

"Nope, no challenge," said Bixlow nonchalantly, examining his fingernails. "Unless, of course, that turns you on?"

"Maybe it does."

"Then yes, that was all challenge."

"Well, I was actually thinking of you," Lisanna said. "I wouldn't want you to get overwhelmed."

"Me? Overwhelmed?" Bixlow repeated. "In bed? That's never happened...ever."

"That's because you've never slept with me," Lisanna said.

"That was _definitely _a challenge," Bixlow declared. "Consider it accepted."

Lisanna squealed as Bixlow tackled her and pinned her to the couch, grinning his trademark grin. She wrinkled her nose and attempted to swat at him, but he had her arms pinned to her sides and her legs were crushed by his body. "No fair! You're, like, twice as big as I am."

"Don't pretend you don't like it," Bixlow teased, taking off his mask and tossing it to the side before he leaned down and kissed her. For someone who was worried about overwhelming him, Lisanna sure didn't take long to react. She pressed into him like one of those balloon castles rising up from the ground, somehow managing to wiggle her arms out from his grasp and wrap them around his neck. Their kisses were hungry and thorough, reluctant to grant oxygen to each other after such a long time apart. Soon they were breathing heavy from a mixture of desire, exersion, and lack of access to air.

Bixlow slid his fingers under Lisanna's shirt and promptly removed it, throwing it next to his mask. She cupped his jaw and pulled him back down to her as soon as the fabric was out of their way. He pressed her harder into the couch, eliciting an eager keen from her. Bixlow's shirt was the next clothing item discarded.

Lisanna looped her legs around him, arching her back, urging him on. He rolled over and tumbled off the couch, pulling him after her. They were a writhing tangle of arms and legs on the floor, grasping at each other like desperate people, breathing in thick, heavy gasps. Bixlow felt like he'd fallen prey to a python the way Lisanna curled around him, moving in slow rotations that sent intoxicating waves of yearning through him. He clutched her harder with each startling revolution, trying to pull her closer, to meld together, to squeeze her so that she would be a part of him forever. It seemed like he should've been hurting her, but her cries were of pleasure, not pain, and she only responded with renewed vigor, so he didn't let go.

Bixlow didn't even realize his pants were gone until Lisanna brushed the silky skin of her legs against his own. Somewhere in the struggle they'd disappeared. He ran his hand down the soft skin of her stomach and unbuttoned her shorts, sliding his hand deeper into uncharted territory. Lisanna's body tensed for a fleeting moment, and then her eyes rolled back into her lids and she melted under him with a delicious moan.

Just then the door to Bixlow's apartment swung open, and his landlord strode in. "Everything okay in here? I thought I heard a thump - "

Bixlow was beyond rationality. He turned his gaze to the landlord and saw the flash of green across his vision as his Figure Eyes activated. The landlord's body became rigid as Bixlow took control. "GO!" he ordered, and the landlord whipped around and marched stiffly out of the room with the obedience of a minion, closing the door behind him.

"Did you just - ?" Lisanna gasped, but Bixlow quickly silenced her before she could begin to consider the morality of what he just did. She didn't seem too terribly conflicted.

Their movements rose to a crescendo, limbs thrashing wildly about, nails digging mercilessly into skin, fingers ruthlessly gripping hair without considering pain or injury. They shuddered as sharp, intense waves of pleasure racked their bodies, rattled their bones, until one perfect, blinding sensation besieged them. It faded slowly into oblivion like a star, leaving the two creators splayed limply on the floor, struggling to catch their breath.

Lisanna smiled as she panted, her head pillowed on Bixlow's chest. "I can't believe you used your Figure Eyes on that man."

"I couldn't wait any longer," Bixlow justified. He rested his cheek on the top of her head, nuzzling her hair. He took in the familiar floral smell, mingled with the alien scent of sex.

"Cockblocking won't ever be a problem again," she predicted.

"Sure won't."

Lisanna's smile became warmer, more intimate. She traced the curves of his muscles until she found his hand, and twined their fingers together. "Hey, Bixlow," she whispered, digging her chin into his clavicle as she turned her face up. "We did it."

Bixlow returned her smile with a tongue-lolling grin of his own. She said those three words like they'd accomplished something phenomenal and beautiful and incredible. Something that could never ever be matched by anything or anyone else. "We did it," he agreed.

Because they had.

* * *

When Lisanna and Bixlow entered the guild the next morning, everyone who saw them did a double take.

Despite their attempts to cover up the battle scars, there was no mistaking the tell-tale signs of a successful night. The guild caught glimpses of hand-shaped bruises blooming faint purple across the fair skin of Lisanna's arms and back, where the fabric of her shirt shifted, and her hair was not nearly long enough to conceal the bite-sized shadows dotting her neck. Bixlow winced when Laxus clapped his shoulder; there were no doubt of the thick red scratches hatched all over his body. They both sported puffy spots of rug burn on their knees and elbows, as well as dark circles under their eyes.

"Is that healthy?" Cana inquired sardonically as she observed Lisanna's discomfort when sitting. "Should we be concerned?"

"Nah, they'll learn...eventually," Macao snickered. And then he wolf-whistled, earning a glare from the youngest Strauss sibling.

Gajeel, who sat beside them, shook his head in amusement when he followed their gazes to the couple.

"Body language, my ass," he said.

* * *

**Author's Note:** _There you have it. Bixlow got some. You have an anonymous reader who goes by Bshaw to thank. Seriously, though, this time it's really the last chapter. Toodles!_


End file.
